I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He shit in the fireplace
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Two words: nipple clamps
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