I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize