Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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