i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A+ Viking dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
