Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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