so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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