put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
