I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
