so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
