Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
