WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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