My liver just broke up with me...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize