I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
