I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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