Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
