when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
