You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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