I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
