Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
