hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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