just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
