I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
