There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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