I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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