Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
