Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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