I wannas sexs uuuuu
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
