We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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