Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
