Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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