My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
