I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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