even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
