Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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