I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
