Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize