ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
