I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
