I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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