It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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