who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
