dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
