im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
