I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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