Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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