Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
