they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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