Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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