i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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