I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
