At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
