If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize