peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
