she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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