Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize