cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
