She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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