My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
