Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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