I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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