Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
