just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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