We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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