so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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