I wish life had little blips of pornography
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What a dumb baby whore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm bleeding and have questions
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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