He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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