my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
