Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
