So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
