i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
