never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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