So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
