my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
