it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
