girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
