this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize