What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found puke in my bra..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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