I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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