Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
