Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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