his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So vagazzling was a success
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
