My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
