i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
