Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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