I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
