Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
