i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
