Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize