when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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