On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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