I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize