dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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