You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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