Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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